Honestly, I haven't thought this post through because it never came to me that I might reach my 3rd year anniversary with cancer. By now I thought that I would have either been cancer-free or would have passed on. But what I can clearly say is that this past year was by far the toughest and worst year of my whole life.
Last July I started with a treatment that had caused me EXTREME pain and I started losing a lot of weight due to loss of appetite. I endured it for 5 months, and then I stopped because I didn't respond well to it. Even after stopping it, the pain wouldn't stop. That is when I decided to contact a pain management doctor who drastically was able to change my lifestyle with the pain medication. After several months of consecutive screaming of pain, I was actually able to spend a day almost pain-free. And the next. And the days after that. You see, even in your darkest days when you think you have no breakthroughs infront of you, God decides to put unexpected people in your way just to remind you that He's still there.
After that, I decided to go back to a new kind of chemotherapy. Even though the doctor told me that it wouldn't be as effective, I wanted to give it a try. Although 3 cycles passed relatively peacefully, and my scan turned out relatively well, I started developing complications. I've always had a problem with fever, so I always had to stay 5 extra days at the hospital before taking chemotherapy so that I could be given antibiotics to remove the fever. And I got sick of that. And then they discovered that something wrong was with my right lung. The doctor told me it could be an infection, another tumor, progression... All the options that could kill your hopes and break you down. But guess what? Well God is there. And it just turned out to be liquid filling my lungs (which is rather simple compared to the other options), which they eventually took out.
Now while the doctors were analyzing this liquid, my legs started feeling numb and I started losing sensation in them. I was rushed to the hospital, and for the first time in 2 years I was able to sleep completely pain-free in my lower body. Turned out that the cancer has spread into the spinal cord, and it was compressing on my nerves which caused me to lose complete sensation. The doctors said I wouldn't walk again, and that radiotherapy will not be as effective. Well guess what again? God miraculously decided to intervene again, and I was standing and walking the next day.
After finishing my 10 radiotherapy sessions, I was admitted directly the next day to the hospital, thinking it was severe nausea and vomiting. Turned out that due to my quick severe weight loss, some essential fat was gone and 2 of my nerves blocked my intestine. Hoping that things would work by inserting a feeding tube, unfortunately the tube wasn't able to get through the obstruction. So I had to take the decision to do a surgery. Even though I was told it was risky, and even riskier in my case because I was underweight, I decided to go through with it because I felt it was the most convenient choice and well what the hell, I'm not the first one to do it! But deep inside I was at peace knowing it was under God's supervision. I have witnessed Him in every difficult situation in my life, and this step is no different. And I was proven right. The surgery was successful, and I was able to eat normally again after 2 weeks.
A week later, I was admitted again to the hospital due to an infection, and I had to stay for 5 days. At first they couldn't identify if it was pneumonia or something else. Thankfully the infection wasn't serious, and we were able to treat it with antibiotics. For now, I'm still recovering psychologically and physically from the roller-coaster I've ridden these past few months. What will be in store for me in the future? I seriously have no idea. But God does miracles every day, sometimes without us even knowing. And this year in specific I noticed that my biggest miracle and blessing is my mother. Mom, we have passed through so much this year. I probably broke your back, made you sleep countless nights on those uncomfortable hospital chairs, woke you up several times at night, made you cry when I was in pain, basically made your life a whole lot harder. You surprised me by how strong you were able to be during this tough phase. Without you I would definitely not have reached this far in my life. You are the reason I live till today. And tomorrow. And hopefully we will be celebrating being cancer-free next year. Anything can happen when we put our faith in God. And I have complete trust in Him.
But He said, "The things that are impossible with people are possible with God." Luke 18:27